Monday, October 15, 2012

Bought Ticket: Flying Home For Christmas!

Barring global catastrophe as predicted for December 21, 2012, I will be heading home to Philadelphia for Christmas.

Crises have a way of putting things into perspective. Wednesday evening, when my mum was going through the worst period of her recovery, her heavy medication got her feeling reflective. She was so appreciative of the love she felt pouring in from her children, family and friends that she started reviewing her life and role as a mother. She expressed how proud she was of us as her children and how she was happy knowing she did a good job raising caring people. I tried listening quietly but in truth I was muffling an overwhelming flood of tears. It is a bit mind crushing to be sitting 3,000 miles from your family as your mum starts talking as if she were on her death bed. Mum then began talking about how much she has been thinking of her own father who had passed before I was born. It was the most heart wrenching conversation of my entire life. Luckily my sister was in the room with her to remind mum that she was not dying and that she needed to focus on getting better.

I hung up the phone and spent the rest of the night reflecting upon my life. I felt something primal taking hold. I was aware of being the first American born child in an immigrant family. I felt the unspoken obligation to carry my family name forward with pride and integrity. I felt this family obligation to live my best life because they immigrated here to have a better life and whatever I do will reflect on the family. I personally felt an obligation to work harder at succeeding as an actor. Living so far away pursuing this dream career that is difficult to break into at best, as a son puts a greater responsibility onto my siblings to make up the slack for my absence especially now as mum is in her 80's. None of these things were spoken to me. I guess they come from my own sense of what I feel is a family's obligation to itself. I think in all actuality, I realized I had certain dreams of success that would allow me to take care of my mum or bring her as my date to an awards ceremony, or something anything that allowed me to thank her in a BIG way for all she has done for me.

Thank goodness, my mum is recovering and  will hopefully be sent home to recover on Wednesday. I am looking at this situation as a wake up call. It is so important to life fully, spend time with those you love and life with as few regrets as possible.

Thursday, I bought myself airline tickets through I am so looking forward to going home!! I let mum know and she was excited. It has been two years and weekly phone calls can't replace a good hug.

This has been an incredibly emotional time. I am completely exhausted. Yet... I am so happy I have more time to spend with my mum.

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