Friday, May 24, 2013

Sometimes, Technology Sucks!

There are days when I simply want to scream with all the circles I find myself running in just to figure out how to get around a problem that forces me to rely on technology. With all these tech changes, actually talking to someone for help is becoming a serious challenge.

I got a new program, the other day,  for my computer that is suppose to make it run faster. I haven't noticed much of a difference to be honest other than being $40.00 lighter in the wallet paying for this program. It has however, cleared out the usernames and passwords on the sites I regularly go to during the week.

On one site in particular, I typed in my username and password and it comes up as invalid. I double checked my trusty password sheet I have stored in my safe for just such emergencies. Still, no luck. I even tried the reset password button on the site and don't you know the screen turns to a blank page.  With all these updates and revamps to keep sites current, finding help is the one thing that is slowly disappearing. I found an email address for a webmaster of the site but it has been a few days and I have not  gotten a response.

Is the universe trying to tell me something or what?

At this point I am so frustrated, I am getting a dogged determination to find out how to resolve this problem before I take my entire computer and smash it against the wall!!!

The funny thing out of this whole mess is that that new program, despite doing little to actually clean up my computer, has a function where it delivers a loud message informing me that it has finished with some random updates. The message is so loud and sudden, I find myself continually jumping out of my skin whenever it goes off. Ahhh.... technology. Isn't it great? 

Okay. I have sufficiently vented. Time to step away and breathe...  

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Personal Re-Boot: Raising My Standards/Changing My Rituals

If you have read this blog for any period of time you will notice that I gravitate to whatever motivational techniques and devices I can find to keep me going. I have my up days and down days. What I have noticed about myself is on my up days, I am experiencing the reality of living with positive expectation, even if there are no evidence of success. On my down days, I notice my self-talk has been clouding my brain with a defeatist's mantra.

It is the little things that make the most impact. I have to acknowledge that I have not been the smartest at strategically lining up the knowledge I have gained into forming small rituals that slowly get me where I want to be going. Luckily for me, I believe each day is an opportunity to start fresh, re-boot and achieve the success and happiness I desire.

I have embraced the idea of enjoying the journey not just yearning for the destination. Any amount of progress motivates me. I think I will definitely benefit from establishing a few small scale rituals, like I have done with my marathon training, in other areas of my life, especially my career.  No time like the present.

I stumbled upon this short clip by Tony Robbins that talks about raising your standards and changing your rituals. Just what I need to  get my re-boot started.

Check it out. Tony Robbins is not a successful life coach for nothing. Perhaps you may find something you can use for yourself! 

Thursday, May 16, 2013

A Quote To Keep Me Pressing On...

I am in a continual journey of self-improvement and growth to become my best self as a person and an actor.

I have not fully developed my new personal mission statement.

I am getting there... just haven't hit on something that inspires and keeps me "jazzed" to take on the world.

No rush. It is coming... 

I have however, stumbled across a quote  by U.S. President Calvin Coolidge that, for an actor, is something that will be useful to draw strength from when those moments of frustration get me down. For me inspiration is the strongest resource for creativity and simply keeping going. These words inspire me and remind me to live my life on my terms and never stop moving in the direction of my dreams.

If you need a pick me up, read these words and "Press On".

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. 
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. 
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. 
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. 
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. 
The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. 
-Calvin Coolidge

The Summer of Star Trek has Begun!!

It feels as if this is going to be my favorite summer of movie going!

I have not been willing to break my bank for a night out at the movies. However, since I am saving my pennies for "Man of Steel", as a livelong Star Trek fan and lover of the re-boot of the franchise for a new generation, I have to see "Star Trek Into Darkness" in the theater!

Paramount Pictures may just have a winner on its hands! With J.J. Abrams' inventive way of creating a new time line, anything is possible. They can draw from the best of the past, while blazing new trails no one has seen before.

I cannot wait! 

I love the cast. Chris Pine, Zoe Saldana, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Simon PeggJohn Cho , and Anton Yelchin have made these iconic roles their own. The addition of the romance between Spock and Uhura was a great twist with great possibilities in the first installment. Now, the villian, played by Benedict Cumberbatch, best known for his compelling performance as Sherlock Holmes in the 21st century on the BBC series "Sherlock", is sure to bring his "A" game.

I have a crazy busy weekend, but I need to get there soon before I start getting plot spoilers from those who get to it before me and can't keep their mouths shut!

"A Song For You"


I was watching the "Jeff Probst Show" today. They were discussing the influence media, especially the music industry has on young boys and girls. It would seem love songs have been replaced with hook up songs and a heavy dose of female objectification.

I sadly agree.

Donny Hathaway
Donny Hathaway
There are plenty of great songs with a cool beat to dance to but when you listen to some of the things being said, it's a little frightening. We listen to songs over and over, especially the ones we love. What does that actually do to our thinking? I mean anything you listen to over and over, makes an impression on your subconscious mind. Can we expect these lyrics to not have an impact?

Of course, it all comes down to making choices. I am a big fan of Motown, R&B, and Classic Soul. So, I hope to spread a little "LOVE" out into the Universe by continuing to share my favorites from time to time to do my part to keep the classics alive!

Below is "A Song For You" performed by the incredible Donny Hathaway. I have heard many versions of this song, but few are as full of passion and depth of feeling. 

Check out the lyrics, then listen to the words come to life.


I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs I've made some bad rhymes
I've acted out my lifee in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be
I've treated you unkindly but darlin' can't you see
There's no one more important to me
Baby can't you see through me
Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

You taught me precious secrets of a true love witholding nothing
You came out in front when I was hiding
Now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for my life you're a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song to you

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you're a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song to you
We were alone and I was singing this song to you
We were alone and I was singing this song

Singing this song to you



Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Dreams: Making Sense of The Madness

I have yet to completely get the reason for any given dream lately but they are definitely getting more vivid and memorable.

In the first dream I recall being outside of my childhood neighborhood. It was nighttime. I was standing on the sidewalk outside my house. I could see a female figure running away. I turned and looked at the house. I somehow knew that inside were baby twins my niece and nephew who needed protecting.

(In real life I have no niece and nephew who are twin babies. My nieces and nephews are much older in real life. Nevertheless they existed in the dream.)

I walked to the house and noticed that the front door was open. I could sense someone was hiding behind the door. I raced away down the street trying to scream for the police but my voice couldn't  make a noise. I suddenly had laryngitis.  I grew up in a neighborhood of cul de sacs. I raced to another street, drawing out the stranger in my house. I was standing in the middle of the street. A short, heavyset, angry black woman dressed in jeans and a hoodie came charging at me. She tried to attack me and I grabbed her by the throat and pushed her against a car. She broke free and ran away. My dog Rusty came running toward me. as he got near, the woman in a hoodie threw a dagger stabbing Rusty in the back. I immediately pulled the dagger out and threw it, nailing the woman in her throat. She fell dead and I hugged Rusty in my arms in the middle of the street.

Later, I changed scenarios completely. I was in my old office here in Los Angeles. I was in a room crowded with paperwork. I was looking at a computer. People were running about and being fired. I walked to a conference room made of glass walls. I took my seat and I listened to the managers talking but I don't recall what was said just that people were being let go. The meeting broke up and I with two other people walked out the front door and we were suddenly in downtown San Francisco. The two guys were looking for a specific building and didn't want me to know how to get there. I however knew how to get there. We split up and raced to the location making our way through the crowd.

I am noticing a number of my dreams have taken me back to my childhood neighborhood. They've also included buildings or rooms made largely of glass, not to mention varying levels of violence. No judgements of what these observations mean yet but for the moment are points of interest. The one thing I found fascinating was throwing a dagger into someone's throat was so startling it woke me up. I immediately told myself to remember this dream, then I fell back to sleep.

I am happy to note I am gradually strengthening my ability to recall and engage mt brain in the importance of remembering. This is progress indeed.


Friday, May 10, 2013

Sometimes I Just Gotta Sing Like A Fool...All Over My Apartment!!

Okay, I admit, all the birthday love I am feeling from my family and friends today has filled me with so much joy I feel like singing! Course I have been traveling down memory lane thanks to youtube, listening to songs of my youth, singing along like I often do in my living room giving a sold out performance to Rusty. Even though he is staring at me as if I am about to have a stroke, I continue!

What is it about songs from your childhood that strike a chord like nothing else can? Music has been out of my life for a while but made a major comeback since I returned to acting. It fills me up and sets me right.

Here are a few songs that take me back to the good times or inspires me even now to keep moving forward when times are tough.


Getting To Know Myself "Energetically"

What I love about listening to these Abraham-Hicks clips is the inspiration it provides. I resonate with the concept of God as Source Energy instead of this distant, angry father figure waiting to punish.

My focus is on being All I can be.

These clips help me stay on track without an ounce of guilt or condemnation needing to enter into the mix.


"The Prayer" For This New Year Of My Life

Ahh... It is that special time of year when I take some time to reflect on where I am in my life, what I have accomplished, and where I want to go from here.

I am one year older.

Letting go of the fixating on the number and feeling melancholy. Not interested in taking life quite so seriously. I want to celebrate more and simply find reasons to be happy if only for the joy of being happy!  For this year, I would like to focus on setting my brain for positive expectation, living in the moment and enjoying all the little and big blessings of life.

This past year has been very enlightening. I have been digging deep to unearth those hidden blocks that have been holding me back creatively and today I choose to give them their proper burial so I may start this new year of my life with the mental freedom to let my creative spirit roar!

Life is too quick and too precious to waste with stewing over doubts.

I am looking for a year of celebration!

Success on a variety of levels is always available if you open your eyes to see them.

This year, eyes wide open time!

I am so blessed and grateful for the family and friends in my life!

I am following my dreams and living my life with joy and positive expectation for what each day has in store for me.

I am set to soar as high as my imagination will take me.

Life is great! 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Dreams: Making My Way To The Border of Lucidity

Last night was a fascinating and quirky trip into my inner labyrinth .

Of what I remember, I was on the set of a movie. I was excited to be working with the famous producer/director Tony Scott. I recall being in an office doing accounting as though my role was of an accountant. Somehow I was going over the books and discovered a discrepancy. This led me to finding a briefcase full of $30,000 cash. I took the briefcase and walked out the door. When I opened it, Tony Scott was standing behind the camera with all the crew around. He thanked me for finding the cash and asked if I could rip up the accounting books so no one would know about the money. I said wait a minute.. aren't we shooting a movie? Is this for real?  Aren't you dead, Tony? 

Unfortunately, this did not wake me up to the start of a lucid dream. You'd think asking the guy who I know is dead if he is dead would get me questioning things. No such luck.

Instead I walked off the set toward my trailer. Angelina Jolie walked up to me as if we were the closest of friends.I told her about the money while I noticed we were being spied on by one of the contestants,  Garrett Gardner, from this season's "The Voice." It was strange but I ignored this and chatted on with Angelina. She told me she wanted me to meet her friend Tommy who she thought I would hit it off with. She said, his dog had run away a while back and just showed up on set. She called Tommy and he was on his way. She wanted me to watch the dog while she shot her scenes.

Of course I went over to her trailer to dog sit. When I sat down in the trailer, my dog Rusty strolled out of the other room and started jumping up and down as if he wanted to go for a walk. I petted him and thought, is this where you were from before I got you from the animal shelter?

Again, the idea of Rusty feeling at home on a movie set when he runs away at the slightest hint I might take his picture should have sent up red flags! Nothing..

Suddenly, Tom Cruise came bursting into the room wearing a grey hoodie, excited to see Rusty.  I was shocked but as I refuse to get star struck around another actor I just said hello. I then proceeded to show him Rusty's dog tag with my name and phone numbers on it. I don't care who he is he was not taking my dog from me.

He sat down next to me and was very friendly. We had a great conversation about something, not sure what. but all of a sudden I "knew" Tom and I had become close friends. I thought wow this is funny that I am talking with my pal Tom Cruise and we are both Rusty's pet parent.

With that I woke up.

In the moment it all made a certain sense until I opened my eyes. I immediately realized how close I was to having a lucid dream. With any luck I will have another opportunity!  

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Dreams: New Stories Making Their Way To The Surface

"The Madhouse" by Francisco Goya
It is a funny thing about remembering your dreams. Some go by without recall, others stay with you like a real-life memory. Sometimes, they come in snippets others feel like epic adventures.

I am happy to say, one of the initial benefits I am finding from this creative exercise is my visualization skills are getting better everyday. In the not so recent past, I tended to draw a blank when intentionally trying to recall images on the screen of my mind. That is thankfully changing, almost like a fog being lifted. For now I am just allowing myself to recall my dreams. In time I want to go further into dream interpretation. I know there are a lot of dream dictionaries out there, but I am looking at figuring out what the dream symbolism means to me instead of going by a generalized definition. Not sure yet how to get to that point. Perhaps starting with a dream dictionary and then slowly overtime developing my own personalized version. Not sure if that is even possible, but the more involved I get into understanding this side of myself, the more useful this process will be.

Last night, I got a few snippets but they are lingering with me all day. First, I remember being in a large college dorm common area. I was leaving the area when I ran into an average looking Caucasian woman, slightly plumb, but seeming like a very friendly stay at home mom. She had shoulder length red hair and a rosy cheeked face. I know I do not know this woman in real life but I said to her, "You have the sweetest kids I have ever met." She smiled and thanked me. Out of nowhere four young blonde haired kids came running out of an adjoining room as if coming out of class. I waved at the family and left.

When I was outside, I noticed my clothing had changed. I was wearing an over-sized white t-shirt that felt like a straight jacket. I looked down and had no pants, shoes or socks on. I wiggled my toes and started searching for my wallet with no luck. I felt as if I was in an insane asylum. When I looked up I was standing in an courtyard of a large campus with glass structures all around. The area was crowded, all of us wearing large white t-shirts. Guards were stationed on pillars, I think. They randomly asked folks for identification. We each raised our right hands and a personal id, looking like a driver's license, appeared as if it was always in our hand. They disappeared once we put our hand down. I felt like I was living out a version of "1984".

I eventually found myself on a street corner where "Scott", a classmate from my acting group, was dressed in regular clothing. He was standing just off the sidewalk by the trunk of a car. The weather was overcast with the smell of ran in the air. "Scott"  asked me if I was joining the group to take "Carol" out to dinner for her birthday. I looked over his shoulder and saw "Carol" standing by herself. She was clearly waiting for us even though she didn't see us at all. I am not sure what my answer was to this question.

The interesting thing is that in real life, "Carol" is a friend, actress and classmate from my time at the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco. She is planning on auditioning soon to possibly join my current acting group here in Los Angeles.

One thing, however, has me scratching my head. When I woke up, "Scott" called my cell phone to ask me the date of the auditions. I told him the date. I wondered why he was asking me this since we already mentioned the date to the group just the night before. I had also sent him an updated class schedule in early April with the new dates. He said he was looking at an old schedule and needed me to clear it up before he contacted the potential candidates about the audition..

Strange coincidence?

It is also a little "trippy" to talk first thing in the morning with someone you were just talking to in a dream.

I look forward to whatever new journey I have in store for me tonight.

Monday, May 6, 2013

The Mysteries Of Being A Pet Parent

It has been nearly a year and a half since I rescued Rusty from the Burbank Animal Shelter. Obviously, as he is my first dog ever, my foray into pet parenthood is an endless educational journey. I love Rusty but there are days when he is a complete pill and I must remember he is a dog and is not necessarily doing things with a motive or emotion as a human would. Still there are times when I wonder what exactly is this dog trying to tell me when he walks up to me and simply stares.

A few nights ago, I watched "Life of Pi". One of the thoughts that came up for me was that various religions can only teach you about God, but it is through the experience of life and particularly our experience of Nature, which is life at it's most intense,that puts you in direct experience with God.

The film also forced me to think differently about this creature that I am sharing my apartment and life with 24 hours a day. Again, I find myself wondering what is going on in his head. Like forging a relationship with "Richard Parker" in the film, I wonder how much Rusty knows that I love him and how much joy he is finding in his current situation. I know it is a step up from the shelter but does he even know hoe close he came to meeting his maker? Is his coming into my life coincidental or are there mysteries about myself or him that I am meant to learn from our time together? Rusty doesn't bark much at all which is a blessing. He sleeps a lot, yearns to run when we go out, and now enjoys burying himself under covers to sleep. He is an unfolding mystery that now seems so much more complex than I ever thought before watching that movie. As much as I am growing more attached, would he be like "Richard Parker", capable of moving on without a look back at me?

Plenty to think about. It will be an interesting journey figuring each other out as time goes by.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Searching For Messages: My First Dream Adventure

My inner journey begins.

I remember moments of a dream from last night. I was in a place similar to my home in Philadelphia. Someone from my family was with me, either my sister or her daughter- both named Andrea. It was some time in the early morning hours. We were in a fight to the death. Not with each other but with evil forces out to kill us.

At the same time, we were also on an island with a wild tiger. She was convinced that she made peace with the wild tiger and he would not kill her. We were running through the jungle and got separated. I was running to hunt this man. He was the actor, James Purefoy who played the serial killer/cult leader "Joe Carroll" in the Fox series "The Following".  Somehow I found out Joe was setting a trap for me. He sent some guys after us.

Andrea got caught and was tied to something like the throne from the series "Game of Thrones" it was large, put on a hilltop clearing where I was able to see her. It was as if the branches that made up the throne wrapped around her. She was being sacrificed to the tiger. She waited bravely with her captors, confident she would survive. Meanwhile I raced to my childhood home. The tiger ran through the forest and killed the people guarding my sister/niece. When it got close to her, I recognized that tiger was "Richard Parker" the tiger from "Life of Pi".   He ripped the vine-like branches that held Andrea. She was free and smiling at the giant cat that simply turned and disappeared back into the jungle. In some weird way my sister and I were like the "Wonder Twins" of DC comics. I was seeing the tiger leave through her eyes so I knew she was safe.

I got home and as if I were in a scene from "Salem's Lot", I walked through the three story Philadelphia row home where I spent the majority of my childhood. My family was not there. Everything was covered with white cloth, like it was closed up for the winter. I reached the third floor with the bedrooms. I checked each one. "Joe Carroll was laying asleep on a bed but I knew he was pretending. I walked on to another room to what I sense was the trap set for me. I wrestled with some guy and Andrea appeared and we staked this stranger who we "knew" was a vampire. I walked down the halllway to the main bedroom. The cult guy was hiding in the bathroom.. He quietly jumped out behind me. He grabbed me around my neck and attempted  to bite my neck. With a large stake stuck up my wrist, I plunged it into his gut and he died.  I woke up.


Not sure what meaning is to be derived from this at the moment. I do know two things. Last night I went to a friends house after picking up "Life of Pi from the Red Box machine by my neighborhood 7Eleven. My friend was not in the mood for it and decided to run out and get "Hitchcock" with Helen Mirren and Anthony Hopkins. After enjoying that tale of the making of "Psycho", I got home determined to watch my original cinema choice. So I traveled to the world of Ang Lee's "Life of Pi". I went to bed with an intense feeling of joy and serenity and connection to my spiritual self.

Before I drifted to sleep, I asked my "Inner Self" if it had anything it wanted me to know. I proceeded to open to a random page from a "spiritual' book called  "Creative Mind" by Ernest Holmes. Filled with such peace from the movie, I read a section that started with this sentence.  

"The man who wishes to practice metaphysics must first, last and all the time realize that he himself is a center of divine activity; he must know that whatever God is in the Universal; he is in the world in which he lives."

I drifted to sleep with the belief that this passage was in some way answering a question I asked someone earlier that day in a discussion forum as to how long it would take to experience meditation as something other than a frustrating fight to quiet my racing mind. I'm not sure but I felt like I was being told to be patient and trust and my meditation would bear fruit. This was my last thought before my memory of this crazy dream with "Richard Parker" and "Joe Carroll" who I battled in my dream state.

Much to explore with this one.  

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Ignoring Reality...

With all this constructive action toward creative transformation, I felt the urge to add a little "woo woo" metaphysical thinking into the mix. Why? Because I love the inspiration and it is a nice balance to keep me from being too much in my head.

That being said, why not listen to "Abraham", laugh a little and see if it resonates?.


Dream Education, Courtesy of NOVA

Attached is a YouTube clip courtesy of NOVA, exploring what dreams are about and why we do them. A good start to my dream education research.

Dreams: The Accessible Road Map to Creative Growth

After last night's breakthrough in my acting work, I came home, close to  midnight, primed with energy. Of course I could not sleep but decided to unwind with a late night viewing of my favorite French mystery series, Maigret. The episode was entitled "Maigret's Failure".

Being open to creative thoughts, I was mesmerized by the plot and the acting choices. The story reminded me of "Murder on the Orient Express'. Maigret was forced by his superiors to work with a bully from his childhood who was now a wealthy and powerful man. This man pushed Maigret's buttons and as it turned out was so hateful a person, when he was inevitably murdered there was not a single person who did not have a motive and sense of freedom from his death.

It was so well done, I was up until 2 a.m and had to remind myself to go to bed.

As is my custom, upon retiring, I threw on the radio only to discover the radioshow  "Coast2CoastAM with George Noory. His guest was Kelly Sullivan Walden and they were discussing her book "It's All in Your Dreams. In essence exploring the benefits of using your dreams as a means of connecting with your Creative Unconscious. Talk about serendipity! This was once more, proof of the value of staying open to the creativity of the universe!

I learned that scientists have proven, beyond the "woo woo",  that dreams have a practical value to our lives. Studies have shown that individuals who are simply aware of their dreams have an improved ability for creative problem-solving in their waking life.

The fact of the matter is, a third of our life is spent dreaming. Paying attention to this unexplored area of your life can only make you a more whole being. The opportunity to use my dreams as a means to not only access my creative core but to magnify my creative development into my waking life is like a direct invite from my Inner Self to come and play. Once again, the adventure of life keeps expanding. Ask and it is given. Seek and  Ye shall find. I would have to be an idiot not to hear the message the Universe is sending..

Getting my feet wet, I woke up this morning with the awareness that I had a dream. I was living through the Maigret episode in an English language version. Considering my own experience with childhood bullies, the dream provided an appealing sense of emotional investment and satisfaction. The beauty of dreams are they can feel so real there is literally little difference to the mind between it and a memory. Imagine the possibilities for developing a character for an actor who makes the effort!

Tonight, I am dusting off my night table and getting my dream diary ready for regular recording and analysis.  This is Step 1.

With further investigation, I will see how I can use my dreams to effectively stimulate my acting work.

Let's see where this road takes us!!        

(For anyone interested, I found this YouTube clip of Kelly Sullivan Walden promoting her book.)


The Perks of Being A Creative Professional: Living A Creative Life!!

Last night, in my Tuesday night acting group session, I had a major creative breakthrough! As the very purpose of this blog is to serve as a means of helping motivate me to achieve my dreams of succeeding as a professional actor, I want to chronicle this moment more for myself. Bear with me as this post may take a seemingly convoluted journey in explaining this moment but such is life. It is crucial as an actor to not just focus on booking a job but to celebrate the little victories along the way.

So I begin...

As I have expressed in numerous posts, I am committed to making a paradigm shift in my thinking in an effort to lead to creative transformation in my work as an actor and my life in general. This road is to be frank, easy to say but challenging to actually do. The line between "woo woo" self-deluded creative talk and the practical application of creative techniques into one's work is a fine one for any artist. The challenge? Facing the ego.

When working on a scene you can get lost in making choices that are "inventive" but do not lead you to bringing to life the character in a way that transports you from an actor doing a scene to a character coming to life in the minds of the audience. In my own work, I have been beating myself up trying to jump this hurdle.  I have been daring to fail, crashing and burning creatively, all in the hopes of having a breakthrough. This is where it gets tricky. When you are beating your head against the wall, the temptation to get sucked into the ego gratification as an actor is hard to resist.  Having others see your  efforts as a success can mistakenly become the focus. Like a person lost in the desert, any drop of water tastes good.

This is where I found myself.  My saving grace has been my spiritual philosophy of life. When applied to my life requires me to take an honest look at myself even when it is not pretty. Point of fact, I believe your thoughts create your reality. I believe that your life is shaped completely by the thoughts you hold to be true. In my mind, this is the greatest lesson taught by most religions but gets lost in all the dogma and human misinterpretation. I don't really care if others believe as I do but it makes such sense to me that it is how I strive to live my life. This philosophy is part of what guided me to pursuing a life as an actor. That being the case, in moments of quiet reflection, I am able to get a glimpse at myself without the "ego-blinders" obscuring the view. What do I see? I see reflected in my current circumstances proof of my creative progress. If my life is created by the thoughts I think and that life is not the success I am striving for than I need to change my way of thinking. No judgement this is the fact. Simple to observe. It's at these moments of disconnecting to the ego circuitry that I am able to see the real creative work is in letting go of the reigns and making room for it.

Creativity is elusive but always available to us. The conscious choosing to be open to creative growth beyond the "woo woo" of merely saying it is as simple as allowing yourself to see creativity answering your invitation to visit. 

In recent days, with all my delving into my life issues to clear a path for creative transformation I almost missed the signs that creativity was saying hello. This to me is where an actor really experiences the ultimate gift of being a creative professional. You have a built in excuse if not imperative to live your entire life creatively! Life becomes your personal never-ending adventure!  This is the fun part that often gets overlooked when you are too focused on living in the "starving artist" mode of thinking.

So, I look around and what is happening?

I am invited to a screening of "The Americans" that inspires me and reminds me of what good acting looks like. It 's funny but I realized that screenings like that are like attending a business convention or work seminar where the very act of participating in the event puts you into an environment of creative energy flowing and out of your own analytical head.

Next, I find myself joining a "Blog Catalog" discussion forum about whether you can make a living doing what you love. I automatically articulated my response as YES! " I think it is possible and preferable to make a living doing what you love but there are many trade-offs you have to make in order for it to work." I went on to talk about how miserable i was in my old 9to5 and how much happier my life is now that I am doing what I love.

The result of this conversation? I was being led to the inevitable conclusion that I am continually getting in my own way and need to change this pattern. Getting sucked into "ego" makes it easy to forget that I love my life! I am blessed. I am an actor. I am making a career out of doing what I love for a living. Everything else is gravy. Snowballing from here, I see that Tuesday night's class provided me with an opportunity to get out of my analytical head of what acting choice is right or wrong and simply enjoy myself, as I wrestle with my Creative Angels. I made the effort to let Creativity pay me a visit and in that moment, I felt ALIVE and connected! At the same time, during the feedback session of class, I found myself able to hear an observation of my work that gave me a specific goal to work for in my craft.

Somehow a moment that usually centered around "did my classmates think I nailed the scene?" became, "what is this person saying that can help me grow as an actor."  To anyone else this may seem like mindless pretentious chatter. I don't care. I felt the beginnings of the paradigm shift moving me toward my goal of creative transformation.

In the end you can say my shifting perspective is allowing me to see my entire life as filled with opportunities to live creatively and provide real fuel to my work. There is nothing greater than discovering a challenge as an actor that once achieved will move me further in the mastery of my craft. This is the joy of acting. Living in this state is hard work but I am reminded of just how fulfilling it is artistically.

Bottom line, what did I get out of my Tuesday night class that is so earth shattering?

The self-evident value of getting out of your own way, for one thing. More importantly, I discovered that creativity, like spirituality must be embraced from the same perspective of openness and  surrender. In the same way a spiritual person must live their spiritual beliefs daily, a creative professional must live creatively and make mastering your craft your passionate pursuit. This pursuit is what makes the journey worthwhile. Financial success is sure to reflect the degree to which you embrace your thinking this change in perspective. Yet this is a bonus not the main goal.

Okay. Rambling over. Chronicle of this moment done...for now.