Unfortunately, as fate would have it, my 89 year old mum has her own health challenges of late. Out of all this, I have to give mad props to my sister Andrea who is back in Philadelphia, holding things together for both our mother and her daughter. I struggled with feeling a bit selfish being so far away on the other side of the U.S.A. pursuing my acting dreams while my family has been in crisis mode. One of the reality checks of the life I have chosen is, when family issues arise, my finances and sheer distance from my loved ones make it impossible to physically be there with them as often as I would like. Suffice to say, I have not had much desire to write on this blog.
My sister, being the wonderful woman she is, assured me that the best thing I can do is focus on my career and give them something positive to focus on as my family members are my biggest cheerleaders. So, I am in many ways renewed by my desire to succeed, not only to make my family proud but to also one day be able to be a means of support beyond phone calls and pep talks via my I-Phone.
That said, I have decided to spend some time, taking yet another hard look at my career and life. I know there is nothing that brings me more joy than when I am acting on set. The question is, what more can I do to move my career truly to the next level? It's strange, but having this "new motivation" beyond myself to succeed, has me seeing how much can be gained by my shifting things up and pushing my comfort zone limits.
My first step is establishing a meditation practice. It is currently in its infancy as I near the end of my first week of meditation once in the morning when I wake and once before bed. By the weekend, I will be adding a morning trip to LA Fitness to my daily practice. The fact of the matter is, my beginning to get real with myself has made two things very clear. I have two immediate tasks on my road of renewal. One is quitting smoking, once and for all. The second is losing about 35 lbs and getting into competitive shape. These are not new revelations. I have simply used cigarettes and food to deal with career and personal anxieties. Period. I have been lazy. Period. I can no longer afford to be lazy.
I believe it is never to late to change. So, I'm here at the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I may need to use this blog to speak my truth and be accountable to living in my truth so I don't allow myself to "half-live" a life of "lame excuses."
Here we go...