“What’s Your Mission”

The article for August addresses the first proof of my practice that I experienced in July.

“What’s Your Mission”           

Let’s Use This Time to Unite as A District and CHANT for One Another!                                                           
by Kevin D’Arcy

What a year I am having! On July 14^th, I had what I can only describe as my first honest to goodness TANGIBLE  PROOF of this practice.  I’m not going to go into it here because I have been asked to give my experience at the August 4^th San Fernando/NoHo Region’s Kosen Rufu Gongyo, this coming Saturday evening. I hope you can attend to hear my story and provide a little moral support!

Suffice to say, my experience has led to a deepening of my practice.  It has also led to many wonderful conversations with my niece/goddaughter about spirituality in general and Nichiren Buddhism, specifically.  One thing that has stood out for me is that I told her that some folks in the practice said she has a mission in her life. This had a profoundly positive impact on her.  Instead of dwelling on the negative thought of feeling like a burden to others because she is in a wheelchair, she has become excited about coming out to Los Angeles to participate in the 50K festival but also, she has volunteered to be “proofreader” for me of this newsletter and after the festival she plans to spend two additional days just her and I in my apartment to serve has my interior designer, helping me to upgrade my apartment to an LA bachelor pad, and find me a boyfriend. How could I refuse?  This excitement she has, has become contagious! As she texts me photos of new sofa beds to choose for my living room, I am genuinely excited for her visit because she is forcing me to push myself out of my comfort zone and live more fully.

All of this got me thinking how valuable it is to have a mission for your life and a vision for the life you want to live. To me, it doesn’t matter what that mission or vision is. It just matters that you have one.  It provides that extra “umphf” to get up in the morning, chant and dive into the day!  

I am working now to get very specific about my mission and my vision for the life I want as a film/television actor and as a gay Buddhist who wants to be truly deeply HAPPY. This year has been teaching me that “STUFF” happens. It doesn’t even matter what that stuff is. What matters is how you react to it, and what tools you have in place to not just help you survive but help you to THRIVE!  Nothing will make my mother’s death okay. But I know I have to choose to live the best life possible for myself and to be an example for those I love, like my niece, to never give up!  The alternative is to wallow in grief and surrender to devilish functions instead of striving to be victorious over life’s many challenges!

The beauty in all of this, I have learned, is that aside from creating happiness for myself, as a member of this district, I am not alone. I have the potential spiritual energy of my fellow district members, having my back, so to speak, through the power of Daimoku! What a comforting thought realizing WE are not alone.

I challenge everyone in our district to decide for themselves what their mission is in this life, be okay with it changing if you want, but make a choice and go for it while also chanting for the success of your fellow members on their individualized journey. What a blessing we can provide one another through our daily chanting.  I am excited to see how, with our District’s Unity Prayer, we can help each other make 2018 “The Year of Brilliant Achievement” in every aspect of our lives. Δ

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To give some context to this article, below is the speech I gave at the August  Kosen Rufu Gongyo/World Peace meeting:

My Van Nuys Sherman Oaks District 50K Experience

by Kevin D’Arcy

Men’s Division District Leader

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for this opportunity to share my experience with you!  My name is Kevin D’Arcy and I am the Men’s Division Leader for Van Nuys Sherman Oaks District.

17 months ago I was struggling with the news that I was pre-diabetic and fearful of becoming a diabetic. I stumbled into a Saturday morning intro mtg here at this center and after listening to the wonderful guidance of a couple YMD leaders, I decided to receive my Gohonzon the next week.

Seven months into my practice, I was asked to become the Men’s Division Leader for my District. I was completely terrified at the thought of it but I took on the challenge largely to inspire my niece, Andrea.

Andrea is not just my niece but also my god-daughter and about the closest thing I will come to having a kid of my own.

On October 1, 2014, in Philadelphia, my niece was hit head on by a car while she was crossing the street. She was in a coma for four months and was not expected to survive.

 For the last four years she has been stuck in a wheelchair. She had to give up her successful hair salon business and watch her world shrink as many of her friends drifted away.

I face time with Andrea everyday during lunch to keep her spirits up and remind her to never give up. 

In January of 2018, I made a commitment to be the best District leader I could because I love my district and truly think of them as my second family. I also wanted to truly understand this whole 50K campaign.

On Feb. 25^th, my 1^st Gohonzon birthday, my mother passed away. Then I learned my father also passed away earlier that month from kidney complications from his diabetes.
I know that this practice and the support of my district family helped me claw my way out of my grief. As I chanted to face my own fears I made more efforts in the district.

I spent much of this year battling depression, fearing I would become diabetic and die like my father all the while trying to encourage my niece to not give up on her own life and give her hope she would one day walk again.

There are many members on our membership list who stopped coming to our meetings. Out of 21 youth, we have maybe one or two that come out.

I created a monthly newsletter to encourage members to stay connected with our district whether or not they came to a meeting.

Last month, my sister called to tell me she was bringing my niece Andrea, my nephew Zen and his girlfriend Jessica out to California to visit me. She had a timeshare and would be staying in Anaheim on September 23^rd. I thought this has to mean something.

I convinced my niece Andrea that the 50K festival was something she might enjoy and she registered.

  

Not long after this, Andrea told me she took 5 steps on her own for the first time since her accident and her doctor told her that by some miracle her spinal cord is completely healthy so the idea of her walking again is now a real possibility.

I quickly moved on to talking with my nephew and he registered! And last Wednesday night to celebrate the anniversary of YMD Founding Day, I texted my nephew’s girlfriend and she also registered!

As my karma would have it, my sister called that next afternoon to say that the timeshare made a mistake and Anaheim was no longer available and they were relocated to Las Vegas. I started to get discouraged. To add to my stress, I was asked along with my co-leader Patricia to give a district experience at the Leader’s mtg on July 14th at the Ikeda auditorium to motivate folks for 50K

I felt I was the last person who should be giving this experience with Patricia.

To be honest I started to get angry because I had just shared with my niece how everyone thought it was mystic that they were gonna be in Anaheim for the festival and how folks thought she had a mission of her own to discover so she was all pumped up. Meanwhile I could tell my sister started feeling guilty because we could not figure out a way to get them to attend the festival when they were gonna be in Las Vegas.

I said to her, “Forget it. These people keep telling me this buddhism is about the mystic law so we are not talking about this anymore.  I’ll chant about it and this mystic law stuff will work it out or you guys will just enjoy Las Vegas.”

While preparing for the leader’s meeting I was mad as hell because I raised my nieces hopes up for the festival and it all fell apart. I came up with every reason why I should not give that speech on Saturday.

Women’s Division leaders was amazingly kind and patient with me. After a long conversation, I could see that all of my fears that I was not good enough and this practice was not going to work for “ME” were bubbling to the surface.

I vomited up every negative issue going on in my life and gradually I realized that I was being presented with the opportunity to transform my suffering into a life of genuine happiness through my own determination to do my human revolution and embrace Sensei as my mentor. Suddenly, this practice was making sense to me.

Sensei says, "In life when we feel we have reached a limit, that is when the true battle begins. Just when you despair and think it is impossible to go any further, will you become apathetic, or will you say it’s not over and stand up with an unyielding spirit? The battle is decided by this single determination."

This 50K campaign is an opportunity for me to to show actual proof of this practice and help my niece and nephew transform their lives. I have no idea how they are going to attend but our district is chanting that they will make it there somehow!      

I said much of what i just read to you at the leader’s meeting a few weeks ago, and for the first time I believed that anything was possible.

After 17 long months of waiting, I had my first tangible proof of this practice. As, I was leaving the leader’s meeting, I was approached by two men. They said they were regional leaders from Las Vegas and after hearing my experience, they wanted to help and offered to get my niece, nephew, and my nephew’s girlfriend on one of the 50K buses leaving from Vegas to Anaheim if my family arrives in Las Vegas from Philly in time on the 23rd.

 I was shocked.  I had no idea there would be people from Las Vegas at the meeting or that they would be so supportive! I was so excited, I raced home from Santa Monica to call my sister.  I said, I hope you haven’t bought your tickets yet. I said if you can fly in on Saturday September 22nd , I will use the money I was saving to go to the LGBT FNCC retreat to pay for hotel rooms for everyone for one night until the timeshare is available so they can be in Las Vegas in time to get on a bus with the SGI youth coming to 50K.

My sister said, that is so weird, she was gonna buy the tickets the night before but she got exhausted and decided she would do it later.

So, hearing that total strangers want to help us, my sister got tickets to fly in on September 22nd to Las Vegas.  On Thursday, two days ago, I spoke with Anna Ikeda from Las Vegas and confirmed I will be buying bus tickets for my three family members and they will definitely be able to attend the 50K festival in Anaheim!   

Now my niece is unable to contain her excitement for 50K and happily shared the pictures of herself for me to create this slideshow. When I first talked to her about my being a buddhist, thinking I would shakabuku her, she was like, thanks but no thanks uncle Kevin, I prefer my Joel Olsteen. But now she is asking me if she is able to be a Christian and a Buddhist.  She also decided that after the 50K festival, she’s not going back with her brother on the bus to Vegas. Instead, she plans to spend a few days with me in LA so she can help me re-decorate my apartment, find me a boyfriend and check out the San Fernando Valley Buddhist Center.

Seeing my niece come alive as she has through this experience, proves to me the power of this practice and has inspired me to study and push myself out of my comfort zone to become the best version of myself without limitations!

Thank you!

“How Do You Stand For PEACE in A World Filled With Chaos?”

In the July issue it becomes pretty clear how I feel about the politics of the day and the challenge to be a Buddhist during the Trump administration.

   “How Do You Stand For PEACE in A World Filled With Chaos?”                                                                       

by Kevin D’Arcy

What is it about 2018?  I have tried to distract myself from my personal grief with some good old fashioned mind numbing television. Unfortunately there is not a single fictional drama that can compete with the real life drama unfolding everyday in the news!

I literally feel the fatigue of the endless lies, deception and outright hostility pouring out of the White House. 

As the first American in my family, I am the proud son of South American immigrants! For this and so many other reasons my heart broke for the US Government sanctioned child abuse originating at our southern border. This is not hyperbole on my part.  Mental health professionals around the world are stating that separating children from their parents, as the Trump administration is doing, is nothing short of child abuse that may do irreparable harm to these poor children.   

   

I don’t recognize the country I am living in.  In many ways, I see the need, more than ever, for the September 23^rd Lion’s of Justice Festival. We need to provide an alternative for our youth to all the anger and hatred boiling over in our country. While I am committed to doing my part for 50K, I am well over the age of 39 so I need to do more than reach out to youth. I needed to not just chant for the happiness and safe return of the separated children to their parents. I needed to chant “Si Se Puede” in the streets of Los Angeles with other fellow Los Angelenos who felt the need to do something on the June 30^th nationwide day of protests. 

I understand now what others have been saying that it is not enough just to chant for things, you also have to take action!  I reached out to my friends and former co-workers in the labor movement and found out about the coalition of activist organizations and religious groups gathering for a rally at Los Angeles City Hall.

I skipped Men’s Division Saturday morning toso and hopped on the Redline Metro to the Civic Center station with thousands of others carrying home-made picket signs protesting ALL of the issues raging in our country today.  I was completely by myself in a crowd of strangers but felt like I was a part of something GREATER than myself.  I am normally a behind the scenes kind of guy. I am not “Mr. Protester’ but the sheer inhumanity of separating brown babies from their families was hitting too close to home for me to sit on my couch and stay silent on the subject.

From 11am to 2 pm, I listened to John Legend sing to the crowd; I was uplifted by Kamala Harris’ speech and inspired by the words of Maxine Waters. Laverne Cox, Laura Dern, Gavin Newsom and the incomparable CHER reminded me that we are all in this together.  I learned that standing for PEACE is not a passive activity. Peaceful protests takes on many forms from marching on city hall or the nation’s capitol, to calling your political representatives, to getting out and VOTING in November 2018. 

   

I have spent so much of June 30^th reflecting on not only how crazy things are in this country and in this world right now, but on how important it is to take a stand and do something to make your voice be heard and perhaps in some small way make the world a better place. 

As this  4^th of July approaches, I choose to celebrate being the son of immigrants and reflect on the freedom I have as a Gay, Buddhist, American born male and never take the freedom I have for granted.Δ

“No Matter How Hard It Gets, You Are Not Alone”

This is the article from the June 2018 issue of my newsletter. Reviewing these articles, it is becoming clear how being a Nichiren Buddhist was the lifeline that has gotten me through this period of grieving.

“No Matter How Hard It Gets, You Are Not Alone”      How My Buddhist Practice is Deepening By Listening to My Fellow District Members.”                                                                                                         by Kevin D’Arcy

If you have been following my journey in prior articles you will understand the challenges I have been wrestling with in 2018.

Losing both my parents has, to be honest, messed with my head. Grief is a strange experience as it comes and goes of its own accord.  I thought I was handling it and then I lost suddenly a good friend who was a wonderfully kind and caring actress.  She went to the hospital not feeling well. She was admitted in for tests and while the tests were being processed, she passed away in her sleep, unaware that she in fact had been living with lymphoma.

Something about this loss left me feeling hollow.  I once again questioned why all this was happening and could do little more than just cry myself to sleep.

I emailed folks and planned to stay home and avoid people so I did not need to put on a happy face.  It was a Friday afternoon when my buddy Susan Harris called to offer her condolences and after a brief chat I went from planning to go into hiding into deciding to chant on Saturday morning with the Men’s Division.  Before I went to bed, I read some articles that my friend Shele Sondheim passed on to me via LA Yoga magazine. Initially, I read the magazine because I knew I’d be meeting Shele at Men’s Division on Saturday.  To my surprise, Shele’s articles reminded me of the value of yoga in general and  Bikram Yoga specifically for me. I found myself discovering  Bikram Yoga NoHo online.

Saturday morning I woke up and dragged myself to Men’s Division toso, where I met up with Shele and Paul Candace.  After the meeting we bumped into fellow district member Byron Cohen. The four of us decided to go to the little courtyard for a little coffee and conversation.  I mentioned how I was feeling about losing my friend and how I was inspired to restart my Bikram Yoga practice and address my pre-diabetes issues head on. I also expressed how frustrated I was feeling with regard to my practice. Shele and Byron shared with me their perspectives. Something Byron shared with me stuck. My interpretation of what he was saying is instead of chanting with the idea of what am I going to get, chant before my gohonzon so that the “me” that views my life through the eyes of my own delusions etc, slowly reveals the “ME” that is Divine or my Buddha Nature.  Looking  at chanting from this perspective, then I can also look at all the events going on in my life, and see meaning in the events and what they are revealing to me. 

I did this for myself and found a great deal of clarity. From this “new perspective” I saw that I am being guided to stop ignoring my pre-diabetes and instead fight to eliminate the possibility of becoming a diabetic by getting healthier mentally and physically. Bikram is my first step.

Consciously and unconsciously, my fellow district members have helped me view the circumstances I am living in from a different perspective. Thank you to you all.

“Getting on Track with My Goals for 2018”

This article came from the May 2018 issue. May is my birthday month. This tends to be the month I assess my goals for the year etc.  Suffice to say, this month sucked.

   “Getting on Track with My Goals for 2018”                                                                                                                      by Kevin D’Arcy

I have had a challenging 2018 to say the least. Apparently, since the theme of the year for the Soka Gakkai International is “The Year of Brilliant Achievement” and we are all focused on doing our part toward the campaign for “50,000 Lions of Justice” then obstacles are just gonna be a fact of life. 

Personally, I’m ready for a little “sunshine” in what has been a “rainy” few months, metaphorically speaking.  At the beginning of the year, I sat in my living room with my buddy Rollin and in honor of this year’s theme, determined to have a MAJOR breakthrough in my acting career and book more work than I ever have before.  That was the plan.

You need only look back at prior month’s of this newsletter to see the obstacles that came my way.

When I returned home from my trip to Philadelphia, I have tried to re-engage from where I am and devote myself to succeeding in acting career as a tribute to my mother’s life as she sacrificed much to immigrate to America so her children could live the “American Dream.” 

So this is where I stand. 

Despite my current frustrations and impatience with my practice, I am committed to breaking through to the other side of all this. The truth is, I have not booked a single acting job since I took on my role as Men’s Division leader in my district.  I have been a busy Buddhist since I took on the challenge of leadership. I would be lying if I said I understood what is going on.   

I had a strange experience the other day. I I had an audition for a two episode co-star for the Netflix series “Grace and Frankie.” I chanted to book the job and get on track with my goals. I went in and got a callback for the next day. The morning of my callback at 8:20 in the morning the house phone rang. I laid in bed and I SWEAR I heard my mum call my name in the intonation she always did when leaving a message on my voicemail. I jumped out of bed and ran to my answering machine. There was no message. I decided to look at it as my mum wishing me luck before my big callback. 

I went to Paramount studios and did my very best. I left feeling amazing.  That was Wednesday, April 25^th.  This has been the recurring pattern. As I chant for success booking acting work, I increase my emotional attachment to booking and inevitably get depressed when things look good and then nothing.  

I am in all honesty exhausted from all the good causes I have been doing.  Luckily, I am enjoying the “good causes” for their own sake and frankly don’t get the connection between doing “good causes” and receiving tangible benefits. I suppose when I actually experience a breakthrough, all this will make sense. Until then, my Buddhist practice is a very, very long lesson in patience. Clearly I am missing something but I have no clue what that may be.

Life has forced me over these last few months to begin a “new chapter” in my story. I only hope it will soon include the major breakthrough in my acting career I am determined to achieve this year.

Patience. Patience. Patience.   

“Learning to Appreciate My Family, Friends and the Twists and Turns of Life”

Ah.... Now we move on to the article I wrote for the April 2018 newsletter where I talk of going home for my mum's memorial service and the discoveries I made on my trip home in Philadelphia 

“Learning to Appreciate My Family, Friends and the Twists and Turns of Life” 

                             

by Kevin D’Arcy

I have just returned from my trip home to Philadelphia for my Mum’s memorial service on March 24, 2018. She passed away on February 25, 2018.  The surprising twist was finding out that my estranged father also passed away in February- February 8, 2018. It’s official I’m an orphan.  I could not help but notice the irony of this situation. Where I had a fantastic relationship and nothing left unsaid with my mum, I had a love/hate relationship with my father with everything under the sun left unsaid.  It gave me much to think about. I had forgiven him for not being a “father” to me since I was 5. Yet when I went home this trip, I learned he had remarried a woman with 6 children whom he helped raise as his own. It stung a bit to hear this but I realized the forgiveness I did years ago was for me to move forward with my life so this tidbit of news didn’t really change that.

My mum’s memorial service was a healing experience. I met co-workers of my mum from her days as a nurse, friends from her retirement days at the Southwest Senior Center, and family members who flew in from Guyana, New York City and Canada to honor her memory and support her four children.  Instead of a totally sad and depressing cry-fest, we shared stories of my mum at the memorial, held at her beloved center. We cried yes, but we also laughed and discovered things about my mum we didn’t know.

I also found myself reuniting with many childhood friends who came to honor my mum. I grew up in a neighborhood where families knew one another, the kids grew up together and we had block parties that bonded us as a real community. This trip back to honor my mum, turned into a trip honoring my childhood: the friends, neighbors and memories that shaped my life and the lives of my mum and siblings. She made this possible.

Losing both my parents is slowly sinking in. It is a process of life but not a pleasant one. However, if anything came from this situation, it has forced me and my siblings to recognize that no one is promised a tomorrow so you have to appreciate the life you are given and choose to be happy.  I know with my mum’s passing, I felt some of her strength come into my spirit. While I may not recognize it, I am sure the same has happened when my father died. 

Since the memorial, I have had more meaningful conversations with my siblings than I have had my entire life. We made a commitment to remain in one another’s lives and honor our mum by living our lives as fully as possible.

I’ve also made the commitment to remain in touch with my childhood friends because they know me in ways many others never will and I find comfort in that. My mum use to say, friends are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime, it’s up to you to discover which it is.

As I move forward with my life and practice, I hope to remember to appreciate everyone in my life for the joy they bring to it.  

“Moving into a New Chapter of My Life”

To give a little background, I became a Nichiren Buddhist on February 25, 2017. That is the day I received my gohonzon and began chanting consistently. To help myself dive deeper into understanding my Buddhist practice, I started writing a newsletter for the members of the Van Nuys Sherman Oaks district to which I belong.

Below is an article I wrote for the March newsletter which will be the first of a few articles I repost here to help explain 2018 and the new chapter of my life that began ironically on the first anniversary of my becoming a Nichiren Buddhist.

    “Moving into a New Chapter of My Life”                                                               by Kevin D’Arcy

Life is strange.  Since I have been doing these newsletters, I have been enjoying a mental countdown to my first anniversary as a Nichiren Buddhist.  As the day approached I was frustrated wondering if I am learning enough and wanting to get to that place where aspects of the practice are imbedded in me in the way that aspects of being Catholic have been.  I had a week of great conversations with folks reminding me to take it all to the Gohonzon. 

Then suddenly, my anniversary arrived and it was the absolute last thing on my mind.  You see at 2:45 am I was awake in bed with a weird case of insomnia. I had just turned off my lamp when I received a text from my sister in Philadelphia.  I called to discover my mother had passed away peacefully in her sleep.  Since that moment I have been wrestling with insomnia and the surreal nature of my life since I received the news.  I am not going to pretend that in this short period of time I have learned any monumental life lessons I can share in a 1000 words or less. 

In the last few days I have laughed and cried with my siblings more than we have in years. None of us have fully come to grips with this change in our lives. 

I would like to share what I posted on Facebook because I needed to say something to people but I could not say the words my mother died without gasping for air and filling with tears.  Here goes:

Today, I expected to be celebrating my first anniversary as a Nichiren Buddhist. Instead, I am mourning the loss of my Mum, who passed away peacefully in her sleep in the early hours of the morning. I have not slept yet. My body says SLEEP but my mind is just not ready.
I am comforted in the fact that when I came home last July, I made a point of not leaving anything unsaid.

That kind of has been my motto with my mother since I was about 21/22 years old. The scariest moment of my life was the moment before I sat down at our kitchen table and told my mum I was gay. In that one moment I took the risk of believing she was the mother I knew she was and I was a part of the family I believed we were. I recognized I was lucky my mother never for a second flinched in letting me know she loved and accepted me no matter and thankfully my siblings did the same. I recognized that I was lucky as so many LGBT folk lose their family when they come out. I never lost a thing.
From that moment on I cherished that gift and wanted her to know I was there for her as much as she was there for me. I know I drove her crazy many times forcing her to talk about what bothered her and confronting her on issues she stubbornly held onto. They were not always pretty conversations but I wanted her to know we could always be real with each other. My mum was a strong, complex, loving mother. She was also a serious DIVA and I loved that about her. :)
I treasured our weekly Sunday chats over the years. I will remember all the laughter we shared, all the telephone kisses, and all the small precious moments of simply making time for one another on a Sunday afternoon.
I am writing all this because I am feeling so much, but when I go to say the words to someone new that she is gone, I can't seem to breathe. I know this is a rite of passage we all must face one day. I just wished today was not that day. I wanted more time but this is the time the Universe has allotted us.

Every time I think the well is dry, the water returns. I can't stop the tears from coming because I can't wrap my brain around the idea I will never hear her sweet, accented voice again. RIP, Mum! I love you....

I would like to say thank you to the ladies of the West Group of Van Nuys Sherman Oaks District who truly helped me get through last Sunday and for all the thoughts and words of comfort I received from all of you, they were much appreciated.

I don’t believe in coincidences. So, in the years to come, I look forward understanding why my mother’s death and my gohonzon conferral anniversary have been forever entwined. Δ

Surviving The Nightmare That Has Been 2018

It has been well over a year since my last blog post so in many ways writing this will probably be more about processing this year for myself since I have no idea if there will be anyone out there following. But as they say, I am once again, picking myself up, dusting my blog off and starting to blog all over again. Does anyone really say that... Well you now what I mean.

So I should start by saying, no I am not crazy. In my last post I was excited to announce I was recurring on NBC's "Good Girls." However, if you watch the show, you may notice I never appeared in the pilot episode.  Technically, I did shoot the pilot for "Good Girls." Turns out one of the original cast members was recast and initially production moved to Atlanta. In the move to Atlanta, I was informed that my small but meaningful to me role was going to be recast in Atlanta when they re-shoot the pilot.  I will admit, I was devastated for a while but that's life in the world of entertainment.  Who knows, the show is back to filming in Los Angeles so you never know, a new recurring role may come my way. I choose to remain optimistic. 

Truth is with all that happened in 2018 being recast does not even register.