“Learning to Appreciate My Family, Friends and the Twists and Turns of Life”

Ah.... Now we move on to the article I wrote for the April 2018 newsletter where I talk of going home for my mum's memorial service and the discoveries I made on my trip home in Philadelphia 

“Learning to Appreciate My Family, Friends and the Twists and Turns of Life” 

                             

by Kevin D’Arcy

I have just returned from my trip home to Philadelphia for my Mum’s memorial service on March 24, 2018. She passed away on February 25, 2018.  The surprising twist was finding out that my estranged father also passed away in February- February 8, 2018. It’s official I’m an orphan.  I could not help but notice the irony of this situation. Where I had a fantastic relationship and nothing left unsaid with my mum, I had a love/hate relationship with my father with everything under the sun left unsaid.  It gave me much to think about. I had forgiven him for not being a “father” to me since I was 5. Yet when I went home this trip, I learned he had remarried a woman with 6 children whom he helped raise as his own. It stung a bit to hear this but I realized the forgiveness I did years ago was for me to move forward with my life so this tidbit of news didn’t really change that.

My mum’s memorial service was a healing experience. I met co-workers of my mum from her days as a nurse, friends from her retirement days at the Southwest Senior Center, and family members who flew in from Guyana, New York City and Canada to honor her memory and support her four children.  Instead of a totally sad and depressing cry-fest, we shared stories of my mum at the memorial, held at her beloved center. We cried yes, but we also laughed and discovered things about my mum we didn’t know.

I also found myself reuniting with many childhood friends who came to honor my mum. I grew up in a neighborhood where families knew one another, the kids grew up together and we had block parties that bonded us as a real community. This trip back to honor my mum, turned into a trip honoring my childhood: the friends, neighbors and memories that shaped my life and the lives of my mum and siblings. She made this possible.

Losing both my parents is slowly sinking in. It is a process of life but not a pleasant one. However, if anything came from this situation, it has forced me and my siblings to recognize that no one is promised a tomorrow so you have to appreciate the life you are given and choose to be happy.  I know with my mum’s passing, I felt some of her strength come into my spirit. While I may not recognize it, I am sure the same has happened when my father died. 

Since the memorial, I have had more meaningful conversations with my siblings than I have had my entire life. We made a commitment to remain in one another’s lives and honor our mum by living our lives as fully as possible.

I’ve also made the commitment to remain in touch with my childhood friends because they know me in ways many others never will and I find comfort in that. My mum use to say, friends are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime, it’s up to you to discover which it is.

As I move forward with my life and practice, I hope to remember to appreciate everyone in my life for the joy they bring to it.