Counting My Blessings Big and Small

This was a wonderful week of doing what I love! So, I auditioned on Friday evening, booked the acting job on Monday and wrapped last night.  I got to work with "playback" and using an "ear wig" which I discovered is the term for the small receiver I hide in my ear to connect me to the sound guy running "playback" of the music in my ear. Yes, you could say this was my singing debut but I will leave it there so as not to ruin the surprise. Haha!

I love learning new things as a working actor.  This time around, I had the opportunity to work with the show's composer at his studio in Santa Monica.   Like everyone else involved in the production of "Hart of Dixie" from casting to the assistant directors I interacted with, he was very kind and supportive.  It is a small role but to me any opportunity I get to act professionally is a victory and a blessing!

In this economic environment, it is a real challenge to get a job as an actor. More established actors are continuing to go up for roles they ordinarily wouldn't in order to make sure they earn enough work hours to qualify for health benefits. Thus,  those of us less established thespians need to be on our game and bring a little something extra to every audition in order to have a chance. I'm learning the less pressure I put on myself and the more I put in the work needed then allow myself to have fun regardless of the result, the better things turn out.  

The interesting aspect of this entire experience was actually the response I received from friends and fellow actors.

I share news with friends in the moment of excitement. This time around, I had this real awareness of folks asking questions with an undercurrent of evaluating and dare I say judgement. Generally speaking, actors are competitive. Even when happy for their fellow actors, some can't help wondering if they missed out on a role they feel they should have gone up for. They ask questions so they can decide if it is too small for them to be concerned about or not. Many do not even know they are doing it but, too often their lack of subtlety is hard to miss. I have reached the point as an actor where I can be happy for my friends and happy for myself. Competing with friends outside the audition room simply is a mind game I am done with. I am even ready to let go of the anxiety of worrying what others feel about the "relative value" they place on any role I land.  My focus is on living in the joy of the experience and letting go of the unnecessary drama of ego as much as I can.   

There have been a lot of emotional/mental ups and downs of this year: worrying about making ends meet; questioning myself and managing expectations of myself and others. Being on set, doing what I love reminded me that no matter what the future has in store, I intend to count every blessing big and small and experience the moment for the joy it contains.

Keeping Acting Career Alive!

I have had a rough summer. Looking for work, auditioning and all around just trying to stay afloat as an actor. I have been walking my own mental tightrope, doing my best to stay balanced and positive when funds are running low and bills keep on coming. It has taken a toll on my mind and emotions but my spirit has kept me going and things are definitely turning around.

Out of left field, I got an audition Friday afternoon for "Hart of Dixie" on the CW. I went in with the sole intention of having fun and I did then put it out of my mind and went on with my weekend.
I just got the news today I booked it and will be heading in this evening to get the ball rolling.

I'm a little shell shocked with joy but since I started this blog to chronicle my journey, it is nice to have something good to say. I know I know, it has been a while since my last post. Chalk it up to the summer blues.

Time to get back on track. One thing I have learned so far from my summer is that keeping the faith really does have its rewards when you move through the wallowing in depression period and truly surrender to the faith that things will always work themselves out.

I'm off for now. I look forward to getting back to posting.

U.S. Supreme Court Rulings on Marriage Equality Makes History!!!

With both U.S. Supreme Court rulings today on Marriage Equality, as it relates to D.O.M.A. and Proposition 8, history has been made that we can all be proud of! Equal Protection Under The Law matters! Equal Rights matters!

If I still had my singing voice I would be SINGING in the streets RIGHT NOW! In the mean time I will express it with the YouTube clip below!




Celebrations will be taking place all across the country!



I am excited to see what the future holds!

James Gandolfini: Rest In Peace...

I was watching ABC local news when I heard the news. Actor James Gandolfini, best known for his amazing run as Tony Soprano in HBO's hit series The Sopranos , died today of a heart attack in Italy.

Mr. Gandolfini was without a doubt a compelling and skillful actor. News is still coming in, but regardless of what further information is revealed,  a major talent of stage and screen has left the world too soon at the age of 51.

So sad...

My thoughts go out to his family and loved ones.

Enjoying the Original Superman Theme Song in Preparation for "Man of Steel" Opening!

Just bought my "Man of Steel" tickets for tomorrow night and I cannot wait!

Look it has been a long week. I have had so much "drama" coming my way, I could use a heavy dose of escapism! Truth be told, this is why I love being an actor. Life has so many challenges and moments of stress. To be a part of a profession that provides people around the world an opportunity to set their troubles aside and enjoy their day is to me a noble profession.

Hey, that is what movies do for me. I love every opportunity I have to hopefully do that for others.

Yes, I may seem like a big kid but, who cares?! Life is too short. With all the things currently going on just trying to keep pursuing my craft and stay financially afloat, it is challenging not to remain stuck in a perpetual state of depression. Yes, I had the blues this week but I am dragging myself back up, dusting myself off and with the help of "Man of Steel", I am recharging that part of me that says:

KEEP FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS!  

Getting back to my Superman mania..., it has occurred to me that with this new film, a new theme song will make its debut, along with Henry Cavill as a new Superman to replace the late great Christopher Reeve for a new generation. So, in honor of Mr. Reeve and the original theme song composed by John Williams, I thought I'd post the theme song for one last look to the past with respect.

Enjoy :)  

"Man of Steel" Is Flying In This Weekend!

Who doesn't want to fly?

The "Man of Steel" is just days away and I am excited to see this re-imagining of a classic story that got me through the darkest days of my childhood!

I must admit I was that kid who was so clearly seen as the nerdy Clark Kent. Truth be told, I secretly dreamed I had a bit of Superman in me! It was the mental secret weapon I had for coping with the relentless neighborhood bullies.

Hey, a little imagination is the best superpower a guy could ask for at any age. 

I found this featurette of the upcoming film and jut had to share. It definitely has me charged up for an adventure this weekend!

Alan Watts and The Trap of Seeking

Have you ever listened to someone speak or watch something and the experience in the subtlest of ways shakes you to the core?

I suppose you could say I am having one of those moments as an actor when my frustrations are getting the best of me. Keeping positive in the face of bills, audition rejections, and sheer stress is not always easy for me. I will say I am for the most part positive in all aspects of my life, but there are days when it is all just a bit much.  

Life is so amazingly complex and ultimately simple. It is our interpretation of it that mucks it all up, don't you think? There is no "real" manual for living. You are tasked with figuring it out as you go. What is the point of it all? Are we ever getting it right? Can you get it right? In the end is it not all about finding a way of making it through each day with an emphasis on being happy?

I have chosen to pursue the life of an actor. I could have stayed with my old 9 to 5 job. People do it everyday. They work at a job to make a living to do what they want with the rest of their time. Other people choose a particular career or simply fall into one. Whatever choice you make is the choice you make. What I have discovered is that regardless of what you do, you have to choice to be happy. By this I don't mean find your happiness in your career but in the simple act of being alive. This may seem unquestionably obvious, however, I realized, lately, that regardless of what you "do" if your state of mind is not on simply celebrating the joy of the day for whatever it brings, good or bad, the alternative is to get sucked into the mire of stressing about the continuous bombardment of civilization and all of its facets telling you you are missing something in your life if you don't have this gadget or this car or this new home or what have you. We then become a world of "seekers" doing this or that to find success or happiness. Unfortunately, when you actually get it, you discover you've been dooped. You are no more happy or successful after achieving this goal or purchasing that brand of cellphone. Is an I-Phone 5 anymore relevant than a Galaxy whatever to my state of personal fulfillment?

I know...I am rambling but, that is okay. I am in the process of figuring out some new ways of thinking about my journey, as an actor and as a human/spiritual being as I wake up each day tasked with living.

It has been a challenging month. Perhaps, impacted by the fact my birthday is in May and birthdays always spur on a period of self-reflection on my part. I found myself having to say out loud, "What is the point of life?" Is life nothing more than striving to achieve something or earn money?" "Will my student loan debt define my choices forever?"

My answer to all these questions was to delve deeper into my spiritual beliefs. They have been my homemade manual for life, so to speak. I am not particularly religious, yet I find my spiritual belief system a source of strength. However, recently, as I strive to get a grip on the "meditation thing", I hit a wall. It simply was not working for me. My efforts to clear my mind led to unending mental chatter and mounting annoyance.

It took my random wandering around YouTube to find Alan Watts clips and a wealth of information on which to reflect. I slowly noticed that I have been so stuck in the trap of seeking answers to how to succeed in acting, in living, in even being spiritual that I was missing a fundamental point.

LIFE JUST IS.

Everything else is an act of faith.        

I may succeed as an actor. I may not. God may exist. God may not exist.

Either way, if I focus on celebrating the sheer act of being alive and choosing happiness for the sake of being happy, than the need to wrestle with  frustration diminishes.

All the rest of what life sends my way will be whatever it is going to be. 

.All this self-made frustration is exhausting. I plan on enjoying further listening to the words of Alan Watts and figure out how to just BE.

This is a work in progress but an avenue definitely worth exploring.